Somehow my eagerly awaited weekends always turn into hours swollen with boredom and ceaseless worrying. If its not my career hitting a trough, it's my life not being lived to the fullest. I always think that I should be doing more, enjoying more, travelling more and smiling more. To hell with worries and numbing, worrying thoughts; if only I was occupying my mind with other things I might just find that evasive nook of solace.
Does it bother other people too, I wonder. At least, I know a lot of genuinely happy, contented people who are settling down into the cozy hum-drum of domestic life. Meanwhile, I keep vacillating from one idea to another. Should I go for an MBA? Or should I just stick to my job? Should I take my guitar more seriously? What about football?
A thousand and one options, and no decisions. None, at all!
Its just frustrating to have the knowledge of your faults but have no will to correct them. Its a little like being blessed with good taste but have no talent of your own, just being a critic on the fence. Pass judgement, lament, rant, applaud but make no contribution.
There's got to be more life in me than the one that I'm living. It's a passive existence with a gnawing feeling of the dullness that is eating away inside. Someone told me it's "emptiness". Turn to music or poetry or anything; find a vessel that will resonate to your tune.
Does it bother other people too, I wonder. At least, I know a lot of genuinely happy, contented people who are settling down into the cozy hum-drum of domestic life. Meanwhile, I keep vacillating from one idea to another. Should I go for an MBA? Or should I just stick to my job? Should I take my guitar more seriously? What about football?
A thousand and one options, and no decisions. None, at all!
Its just frustrating to have the knowledge of your faults but have no will to correct them. Its a little like being blessed with good taste but have no talent of your own, just being a critic on the fence. Pass judgement, lament, rant, applaud but make no contribution.
There's got to be more life in me than the one that I'm living. It's a passive existence with a gnawing feeling of the dullness that is eating away inside. Someone told me it's "emptiness". Turn to music or poetry or anything; find a vessel that will resonate to your tune.
Someday, the pendulum will rest. :)
ReplyDelete@Beanie: hope it doesn't get too late by then ;)
ReplyDeleteI see no reason for boredom in your case since you can write so well! It might just be "the vessel that resonates to your tune". Life is always interesting, even a so-called 'boring hum-drum' one. You have just got stop worrying getting a kick out of every breathing moment. Too much of anything is bad, even constant stimulation [of the intellect, I mean :) ]. At the risk of sounding like Shiv Khera, cheer up, life is not so bad. Even just enjoying and appreciating other's works is as important a contribution as creating something. Holy shit, if everyone spent every moment of their lives creating something, who would have the time to dwell on someone else's imagination!
ReplyDelete@Roy: tnx, BTW i took the liberty of following your blog :) you write very well, i couldn't resist!
ReplyDelete